LIfe:
This is a fairly broad term, I realize. I wrote a bit about freedom and a few other things to myself, but then it just boiled down to life. If you're reading this, then you obviously have life. You are a fucking miracle that we take for granted every second of our lives...because that's all we know. When I was young and trying to figure things out, without a computer or anything, I would do what some these days call "meditation", I guess. I would breathe. I'd feel...physically. Feel my skin and hair. Feel my body breathing and pumping blood. It's shit that I do everyday, but it's different when you slow down and pay attention to what the hell is actually going on. I'd stretch my muscles and think about each muscle and bone and guts in between. I'd keep breathing. Sometimes I would look at myself in the mirror and just stare. I'd talk, on occasion. Just to get to know who and what I was. I still talk to myself, sans mirror typically. And I think you need to do that from time to time, to let yourself know that you're doing okay. Or if you're not, maybe you need that talk from yourself to figure out how to handle the rough stuff. Because life is weird. It's all we know, and we're all winging it. Earlier on it was nice to take time and try and figure out what the fuck was going on. I'm alive, I'm young, I have emotions, I have questions...let's figure this shit out the best we can. I believe I did. All while life is buzzing by at lightning speed and decisions and actions have to be made on my part. Do the best with what you've got, right? I'm older now, and I continue to realize that I'm here, I'm alive, I'm a fucking person. I look at other people and think how stupid most of them are, how clueless and small minded they are. But maybe they're just doing the best with what they have. Life ain't easy, man. Although I cherish it, some people don't. They didn't ask for this. And their reality might just be hell. You can't judge if you don't know. The brain is weird. The world is weird. Life is weird, and it's not easy for everyone. With life comes freedom. Freedom, these days, unfortunately is a political term that some folks use to hurt others. But in its purest form, freedom is beautiful. It means we are free to start our own business. We're free to have a relationship with whomever we want. We can worship whichever god we want, in whatever religion. We can build a cabin on an island. We can live off the grid, with solar power and a well. We can buy businesses and monopolize industries. We can do absolutely nothing, and just get by, happily or not. My wife and I had a really hard time trying to have kids. Took years. After countless doctor's visits, discomfort and heartbreak, we had a couple kiddos. They're perfect. They remind me everyday how precious life is, and how fortunate we are to be on this ride together. Because it's all we know. And we just need to do our best with what we've got. I'm thankful for my life. I'm thankful I was able to have a couple kids, too, and help them realize how lucky they are to have a life--a good one. Life is a deep, deep thing. Doesn't matter who you pray or talk to--if anyone--you still have to appreciate that you're here. You're a fucking miracle. You are alive. You can do things. Do them. And please, be grateful.
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Family:
Some of you reading this are aware of how lucky I am. Others, my apologies...you'll never understand it. And that's cool, makes me feel guilty anyway. But hopefully I can explain it a bit here for you. When we were all dealt parents at birth, I won the goddamned lottery. Not sure if my parents won anything, or not. If there are actually weird superpowers that permeate through a youngster that attract, build, and happen-upon amazing family members, then I got it. It's my mutant ability. My parents, my sister, my grandparents...man, you got no idea. For whatever reason, I hit it out of the park. And then the wife and the kids and the more family...solid gold. Yep, eerie. My grandparents liked to fish. Betcherass I did too. Neat thing though...not just my grandfolks, ALL FOUR of my grandfolks. Yes, they became friends through my folks (obviously) and then found a common interest in trout fishing at Missouri's four wonderful trout fishing state parks. Rick & Bets (my parents) liked to go as well, and everyone had a swell time, I'm assuming. Then Rick & Bets had a kid. Me. Insert only grandchild out of 12 total (God, I hope I got that right) that loved to fish, and there we go. Some kids would bitch and moan about spending a week with four grandparents at a campground and a river. Nope, those are some of the best memories of my life, friend. Me, my four grandparents, and trout. Again, lucky. I became great friends with my grandparents, even into my adulthood. That ain't bad. We all shared a helluva bond that I think about everyday. So that's where it started. After that, or during that probably, my folks and my sister basically became three of my best friends. There were boundaries, parenting, arguments, drama...your average family recipe. But we had--and still have--a strange bond that few-to-zero people I know do. And that is okay with me. I can tell you're getting bored, but I don't care. I met my wife in my 30s. It was bound to happen late. I put relationships and marriage on a pedestal, and although I'd had some meaningful relationships before then, it just wasn't the same. She was the one. My roommate, Katie, who happened to be my sister, introduced me to April. It was an odd state of circumstances that led to the meeting (early social media platforms)...but after plenty of conversations via email, actual mail (because the internet was barely invented), we met. And we really liked each other. We still do, and I think that's fucking cool. Lucky. So, here's excellent family roll-call: Parents--Rick & Betsy, still two of my best friends. Didn't spoil me. Didn't spank me. Taught me right & wrong. When there was right--cool, man. When there was wrong--time to fucking chat. These days we enjoy flea marketing, boating, angling, and drinking cheap gin and not-so-cheap Scotch. Sister--Katie Todd-Letsinger, fucking solid as a damn rock. Katie Ann Poo Poo is what I called her when we were kids, and she'd kick me in the balls for it. Deserved. I have, through my sister, a brother-in-law , John, that I fucking adore. We fish, baseball, drink, laugh, parent, joke, cook, eat, and bullshit like no one's business you've ever seen. They have a weird kid, named Van (4). That's not meant to be mean...we all call him weird. Him and his blonde-haired cousin (my weird kid) are the proprietors of the make-believe restaurant called Pizza Weirdo. Kind of an inside thing. He's amazing, and I'm proud to be his uncle. Wife--Her name is April, and you wish she was your wife. Even if you're a girl. Seriously. She had adorable dimples, so I had to say something...drunkenly. It apparently worked. We've adventured, experienced, traveled, bonded, loved, grown...and now we have two amazing children, that were certainly not guaranteed. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though. Through April, I have two sister-in-laws and two brother-in-laws, whom I am very close to. Tracy & Sara...Patrick and Victor. Again, sorry...very lucky..hit the jackpot. And of course, I have two beautiful, cute as a button, adorable little nephews, Alden and Beck (17 & 13). Dorks. (love you) Got me a badass father-in-law whom, with his wife, grow the shit out of soy beans and corn in Nebraska. Jon & Kari run the farm, amongst other responsibilities, and we love going back there and hanging out with them and doing everything you're supposed to do on a farm, ie: let grandchildren run amok until they pass out. Thank you for that. We weren't supposed to have kids. Didn't work, multiple times. We persevered, sought help, gained patience and hope...and then we finally had a little girl. Her name's Ruby. She's the most special thing in my life (don't tell her brother). She was our first, our miracle, our Rubes. Then..........heeeeeeerrrreeee's Hank! You kidding me? We weren't supposed to have any, now two?? Lucky. Blessed. Fortunate. Hank Earl is here. He's ready to party. He's Hank Earl. This is very important to me. When you are with certain people for so long--even people you love deeply--it may tend to get jaded and overlooked. This is a post of appreciation, remembrance, love, and a reminder that every one of us are lucky to have amazing family in our lives. Don't take that for granted. Never take family for granted. I'm gonna grab a short glass of Scotch. Thank you for reading. This is one of those posts that makes me reflect and appreciate. And tear up a bit. Thanks to whomever set this situation up (I'm looking up)...you really outdid yourself. |
AuthorI am Earl. Archives
May 2024
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