I feel elderly. It doesn't matter if I work out at the gym or drink a half bottle of whisky, I feel about the same the next morning.
I'm convinced that much of it has to do with your mentality. Stress, anxiety, anger, and just plain curmudgeonism ages one. At least it does me. So I've been thinking hard, trying to come up with a drug and alcohol free way of curbing my sometimes extreme grumpiness. I've traced my mindset back to days of uncaring. Yes, that sounds harsh, but it has its benefits, and one might just be able to incorporate some of this mentality into ones responsible adult life. From ages 17ish to 30ish, I didn't give a flying fuck about much. Job sucks? Ok, I'll get another one. Makes my resume look bad? Don't care, I'll elaborate. Girlfriend is being terrible? Ok, I'll choose to be single for while. Things are starting to suck? Ok, let's throw a big party. My uncaring wasn't ridiculously excessive...in the sense that I caused harm to others or became a flat-out loser. I always had a job...just a bunch of them. I was always nice to people...just until they began to be stupid. This era of not caring is not to be braggadocious. I'm not trying to get accolades by this table setting. I'm just setting the table. Now I'm all growsed up and have an entirely different life than I did 15, 30 years ago. I have kids. I have a wife. I have real life responsibilities. I'm not very good at these real life responsibilities, but I do my best. I'm a pretty terrible adult, actually. But a responsible adult, nonetheless! So what can I do to subside all the curmudgeonism that comes with being a 45 year old me? Well, I can drink. That's a given. I can take medication. Not a fan. Or I can have a heart to heart with 45 year old me and 24 year old me (24 just sounded like a good age for me peaking at not giving a fuck). Fact is, I'm an old dad with two little kids. Aside from my little start-up BBQ business, keeping them alive is my primary duty. And it's not easy. Surprises me that keeping kids alive is so challenging. At any rate...heart to heart with current self and 24 year old self... I need to take a page from then and relearn how to not sweat the little stuff. If something ruffled my feathers when I was 24, I'd usually just shake it off. No harm. I don't really remember anything stressing me out back in those days. Hmmm..... Now that think about it, all my stress was treated with alcohol and/or medication. Or by driving my Schwann's truck up to my shitty rental house and loading my freezer with pizza, brats, and delicious ice cream novelties while Vinnie laughed hysterically. Or by setting fire to our rental house (another one) after getting evicted and running down a dark alley, laughing as the fire trucks show up. Or by...... Never mind. This exercise has taken a left turn. The reason I didn't sweat things when I was younger was because I was terrible. Awesome, but terrible. Things are different. I need to take a deep breath and do my best to raise my children right. Not saying my folks didn't raise me right...I did some terrible (awesome) things--but I'd prefer my kids not do that kind of shit. Ah, who am I kidding. I'll be in a nursing home by then. This post has gotten me absolutely nowhere. Time for a gin. ...
2 Comments
Smitty
8/13/2019 10:16:51 am
Matt (Earl) -
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Travis Liebig
8/13/2019 11:01:18 am
yeah dude...I feel you. Time has a way of loading us down with anxieties that never existed when we were in our 20's. Funny when you think about it, just like a great wine or a fine aged steak, as time goes on those little things we didn't care much about, those immature "flavors", turn into rich complexities that take center stage to be poured out and plated right in front of us. Chew on that fat for a bit...and enjoy it.
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