Wow, family's gone for the night. It's Saturday. I have whiskey. And I'm almost 50.
I'm a pretty thankful bastard, as a variety of my blog posts suggests. But tonight, for once, I'm not going to write about being thankful about my family. I am, but we're not talking about them right now. I am thankful that I grew up in a period where there was gigantic, ridiculous, fabulous, brain-shattering, face-melting rock and roll. Not a festival. Festivals are stupid. But a stadium, amphitheater, dome, student center, or big fucking auditorium show. A headliner, and one or two known openers. I've never smoked cigarettes, but if I ever get lung cancer, you can be certain it's because I saw Whitesnake. The amount of hairspray, cologne, and cigarette smoke either is going to kill me or give super fucking powers to withstand anything ever in life. Big Dumb Rock for me started early, because I'm old. I remember us pre-teens singing Quiet Riot's "Cum On Feel The Noize" (it's just Slade) in early grade school walking down the halls to see if we'd get yelled at by the teachers or not. Of course we sang, "...Girls FUCK your boys..."). And back then, "pre-teen" wasn't a term. We were just kids...until we did something monumentally cool that pushed us over that "teen" line. A graduation, of sorts. Pre-teen is stupid. Saw a few concerts as a kid that were okay. Parents were there so I was still a kid. Then I went to the local college student center to see Night Ranger. This was in the late 80s--a transitional period for lads my age. Went with a kind-of-friend...but here's the kicker: his older sister and her friend were taking us. No parents. Just me, some dildo I went to school with, and two older chicks who were going to show us the ropes of concert-going. No brainer. Motherfucking Great White was the opener. They'd just come out with whatever shitty hit they had, and that somehow made the concert even more sought after. So we went. We couldn't drive, so the whole "big sister and friend" thing was pretty cool. Back then sisters didn't take care of their little brothers and their friends. They transported them to wherever they were instructed to, then parted ways after saying, "Meet us here after the show.". Right on. Found our seats, Inhaled more cigarette smoke than my grandpa ever did in his lifetime (and he was a smoker), listened to the loud warm-up tunes while the lights were still on, checked out our surroundings, gawked at chicks with gigantic hair that were waaaay out of any league we were ever associated with, settled in and got comfy. Fuck man, we were 14 and getting ready to party! Kind of. Simultaneously, the warm-up tunes abruptly stop and the lights go down. The crowd lost their minds. It was the opening band, Great Motherfucking White! They were unmemorable, except for the fact that they didn't burn down the auditorium and kill a bunch of people. There were songs that were fun, and everyone had swell time. Remember, I'm old, so during this show not many people knew who Great White was. Fuck, they still don't. But then finally they ended after maybe an hour of okayness...for a 14yr old in the 80s. It soon became obvious that everyone in the smoked-filled college basketball auditorium was there to see one band, and that band was none other than NIGHT RANGER. Opening band's shit was quickly moved offstage while we all listened to Def Leppard's "High and Dry", Finally, finally, the lights go dark again. Another crux. Only this one apparently is the main crux, not the stupid preliminary one. Cigarette lighters lit up the college-owned student center and suddenly a mysterious guitar started playing loud, mindless feedback. A spotlight centered on some dude. A member of Night Ranger, I assume. Then, a song I recognized started by way of guitar going from said feedback to song beginning. It was "You Can Still Rock in America", a fun rock tune from the 1900s with a catchy riff and fist-in-the-air chorus. Everyone around us, all fairly older than us, rocked out by way of banging heads a bit and devil horns in the air (which was a prerequisite for any live rock show, even Night Ranger). After an entire concert of songs that I can't name, except for "Sister Christian", we walked around the center, a couple satisfying high-fives to older concert-goers, and plenty of people gawking. Made it home late that night, and I'm sure my mom had to burn my clothes. Man, cigarettes were popular then. After that, my age, taste in music, taste in lifestyle, choice in friends, and overall joy of loud music mixed with charismatic machismo and kickassery led me to numerous big dumb rock & roll shows. These shows are rare nowadays. Yeah, you can go see Night Ranger at the county fair on the second stage on Thursday, right after Billy Ray Cyrus. But you can't smoke cigarettes. Not allowed. You might have a similar experience at a Foo Fighters show or maybe someone else I can't think of right now. But they'll never be the same as they were in the early days of fuckin' shit up. I talk big, but I didn't attend shows in the 70s or early 80s. You sonsabitches don't know what you had. Queen, Sabbath, Zeppelin, VH, AC/DC...in their prime. Son of gun. Now, these big dumb rock shows served their purpose. Back then, we actually liked to "party". A term forgone in today's language. We figured out where the other kids were by way of a couple telephone calls from a parent's landline (the only line), and then did our due diligence in finding where the best action was. That's right. If it were a house party, you can bet all of the big dumb rock bands were blasting via cassette tape. If it were a concert night, well shit, that just cranked the evening up to 11. The 80s were fun and brainless. Big. Dumb. Carefree. I have love affairs with punk rock music, some jazz, reggae, old country, and some other shit...but big, dumb, rock will always be part of my personality. It's so ridiculous, but so fucking wonderful. I'm drinking whisk, per use, and listening to a swell 80s metal mix I put together on my iPod. Remember that little green 3" iPod thing you could buy at Sears? I listen to that thing sometimes because I'm old and I don't care. At any rate, I hope you listen to this shit and enjoy yourself. That's what it's there for. It's both tongue-in-cheek, and tongue out. Rock on, dildos. -earl
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AuthorI am Earl. Archives
May 2024
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